


You can blame me try to shame me and still I'll care for you

by wolfwithwoodenteeth



Series: 31 Days of Jonsa [8]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Child Neglect, F/M, Half-Sibling Incest, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Soulmates, Teen Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy, jealous!Jon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-23 22:59:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13798134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfwithwoodenteeth/pseuds/wolfwithwoodenteeth
Summary: After a short fling with a Dornish girl, Ned Stark meets his soulmate Catelyn.They decide to get married and are happy to welcome their daughter Sansa into the world soon after.Over a decade later he finds a boy on his doorstep with nothing but a suitcase and a letter identifying him as his son and no home to return to.Little does Ned know that his daughter started seeing the world in colours the moment she laid eyes on her half-brother.***Chapter 2 written for Day 12 of 31 Days of Jonsa - Telling Jon she's pregnant, a continuation of chapter 4 of my soulmates fic 'The Seasons of My Love'.Chapter 1 = chapter 4 of that fic.Title from 'Anyone Who Knows What Love Is' by Irma Thomas





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I believe some of you might recognize the first chapter as part of my soulmates AU fic The Seasons of My Love.
> 
> I decided to write a continuation of it for Day 12 of 31 Days of Jonsa - Telling Jon's she's pregnant, which I'll post tomorrow, in chapter 2.

_Jon is twelve._

_His mother grabs him by the arm, pulling him out of the car. She looks nervous, lip twitching and hands shaking, the circles under her eyes darker than he's used to seeing them and her skin more sallow over her sharp cheekbones._

_They've been driving for a couple of days, all the way up North. "I can't do this anymore," she muttered several times over the course of their trip. Jon was too frightened to ask what she meant._

_At first he was excited that his mother was taking him with her. Before, she'd always disappeared for a couple of days without even telling him, coming home reeking of things Jon couldn't name, still wearing the same clothes she left in._

_Mother can be sweet when she feels like it, but every time Jon thinks he's figured out what to do to make her cook for him or give him lunch money or help him with his homework, just when he allows himself to believe she's going to stay, she leaves him again._

_When he was little, he didn't want the other kids to know that he cried himself to sleep at night because he couldn't make his mommy love him, but he's a teenager now and men don't cry._

_She startles him from his thoughts by shoving an envelope into his hands. "Give this to your father. Tell him you're his responsibility now."_

_He frowns at her in confusion. She's always told him he doesn't have a father. He glances at the suitcase she's put down next to him and then back at his mother, who's already back in the driver's seat of the car._

_"Trust me, kid, you're better off without me," Ashara tells him before taking off without even looking back._

_Jon stands there for a moment, staring at his shoes and then turns around to study the house behind him. It's the biggest house he's ever seen, with a nice front yard and a porch swing. Hesitantly he walks to the front door, reaching up to press the doorbell._

_His eyes drop to his feet again, studying his frayed shoelaces. The door swings open and he looks up at the person standing in the doorway. It's a girl in a frilly dress, two pigtails hanging over her shoulders. He risks a glance at her face. She must be younger than he is, but she's taller than him._

_Her lips are parted in surprise. "Can I help you?" she asks and something in her voice gives him the courage to look up._

_He meets her eyes and suddenly the world becomes a brighter place, filled with colours he doesn't know how to name. She clasps a hand over her mouth, as she regards him with eyes large as saucers. For a while they keep staring at each other until she cries out:  "Daddy!"_

 

 

Jon wasn't sure why he'd decided to come home for spring break. His main motivation for moving away to go to college was to get away from her.

It had all started three years after the Starks had decided to take him. At thirteen, Sansa had become too well-developed for her own good. She'd always been a pretty girl, but instead of going through the awkward phases of puberty like most people, she'd gone straight to drop-dead-gorgeous.

At fifteen, hormones raging through his body, it had been enough to drive Jon out of his mind. Sansa'd had a habit of prancing around the house in miniscule shorts and skin-tight shirts. And as if that wasn't bad enough, she'd always seemed eager to hug him, pressing her braless breasts into his back or chest, or curling herself into his lap.

At sixteen he'd met Ygritte, who was twenty and drove a motorcycle and he'd jumped right into a relationship with the wild thing, trying to distract himself from his inappropriate attraction to his half-sister. He'd even lost his virginity to Ygritte, but it just wasn't meant to last.

At seventeen he'd counted the months until his graduation, so he could finally be free from the spell that was Sansa. 

Literally distancing himself from her had given him some semblance of a normal life, but he still missed her, feeling her abscence like a constant ache or hunger. 

It didn't matter how many times he let his dormmate Satin suck his cock, he still dreamed of her every night. It was not just sex though. He wanted her.  _Gods,_ how he wanted her, but she meant so much more to him.

He missed her voice and her smile and the way she'd glance up at him with those bright blue eyes. He missed her optimism and her unwavering faith in humanity. She never failed to find a solution to any problem, simply because she believed.

It made her strong and vulnerable at the same time. It made him want to hold her close, protecting her from the cruel world, protecting him from his own cynical heart.

Sansa believed they could be together, but Jon knew she was too smart and her future too bright for her to throw it all away for her half-brother.

After sitting in his car across the street from the Stark residence for fifteen minutes, he killed the engine and stepped out. His feet had hardly hit the ground, when the door swung open.

He quickly jogged to the other side of the road and found her standing in the doorway. Before he had a chance to look at her properly, she'd bounded over to him and jumped into his arms.

Relief and warmth washed over him, all tension leaving his body. It was as if he could breathe again for the first time in months. He held her close, breathing her in, relishing the feel of her in his arms.

She pulled back to nudge her nose against his, arms locked around his neck. She gazed into his eyes and he stared back, unable to look away.

He only regained his composure when he heard Bran and Rickon shouting his name. He let the boys lead him inside as they started talking his ear off. When they pulled him over the threshold, he couldn't help but turn one last time to let his eyes feast on the vision of Sansa in a grey sweater and black leggings.

***

Jon had decided to retreat to the tree house for the day. He and Ned had built it during his first summer here. It had taken a while for Jon to get used to being part of a family and the tree house had become his safe space.

He was lost in thought and the book he was reading, when he heard someone climbing up the ladder. He needn't look up to know that it was Sansa.

She tiptoed over to him and folded herself onto the floor, burrowing under his arm and nuzzling her face into his neck. "I've missed you," she murmured against his skin.

He closed his book and exhaled heavily through his nose. He put the book aside, still avoiding her face, only betrayed by the hand that had started stroking her arm as soon as she'd snuggled into his side.

He looked down to find her studying his face. The fingers of her left hand started playing with the hair that peeked out from under the neckline of his shirt as she gazed up at him with big innocent eyes. She'd tucked cherry blossoms into her fiery braid which hung bright against her bottle green dress. 

"I've missed you, too," he whispered roughly.

A radiant smile spread over her face and she let her head rest against his shoulder. "I've made a terrible mistake, Jon," she muttered.

His heart almost stopped. He gulped. "What happened, sweetling? Tell me." 

"I tried to follow your advice," she began. "Go out, meet other people. And I- I found myself a boyfriend."

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ignore the monster that roared inside him as he imagined Sansa with another man. 

She buried her face in his neck, fisting her hand into the fabric of his shirt. "Harry seemed so nice and I was angry with you for leaving me. I let him.... take my virginity and-" her voice broke down into a sob.

His free hand came up to stroke her hair as his stomach churned at the idea alone. Gently he lifted her chin until he could meet her teary eyes. "Did- did he hurt you? I swear I'll kill him if he did," he murmured fiercely.

She shook her head. "No, not like that. He dumped me the day after," she whispered.

Jon clenched his jaw, his blood boiling with rage. "Fucking douchebag!" 

She averted her eyes. "I'm such an idiot." 

"Don't say that!" he objected, stroking her cheek. 

"I am," she whimpered. "It should have been you, Jon!"

He released her, turning away. "Sansa," he warned her. "Please, don't."

His rejection only seemed to make her more determined. She braced her hands on his shoulders to swing one leg over his so she could straddle his lap.

He looked down to avoid her eyes, nails digging into the wooden floor at the sight of her skirt riding up her milky thighs where they were spread open over his.

"Look at me and tell me you don't want me, Jon," she whispered.

Foolishly he glanced up at her face and gulped. "I can't," he rasped, even with the voices inside his head calling him a sick bastard.

She beamed at him, hands carding through the curls at the nape of his neck and started leaning in.

She slanted her mouth over his and lightly brushed her lips over his again and again, undeterred by his lack of his response.

His lips parted with a small gasp when she lightly nipped at them and she didn't waste the opportunity to slide her tongue into his mouth.

His hands flew to her waist, pulling her closer as he kissed her back hungrily. He groaned into her eager mouth. She tasted of candy shoe strings, which he'd normally find too sweet, but discovered he simply loved on Sansa's tongue.

When they parted, she let out a breathless giggle which shot straight to his already suffering cock.

This wasn't the first time they'd kissed, but he knew it needed to be the last.

"I'll be eighteen in a couple of months. We could run away together to a place where nobody's ever heard of Jon Dayne or Sansa Stark," she panted into his ear.

"Sansa, we can't," he sighed, struggling to keep his voice devoid of emotion. "I can't give you the future you deserve."

She pressed a kiss to his jaw. "I don't care. As long as I have you."

"What about our family, Sansa?"

She considered his question for a minute. "I'll miss them, too. But we could leave them a letter, to explain. Mom and Dad know what it's like. They'd understand."

Jon didn't want to imagine the looks on Ned and Cat's faces if they ever found out the truth. He owed everything to them. "No, San, we couldn't do that to them." 

She pushed herself off him, turning her back to him. She threw him a scowl before she started descending the ladder. "You're just a coward, Jon!"

***

When Jon woke up in the middle of the night, he found her lying next to him, snuggled into his side under the covers.

Mind still drunk with sleep, he pulled her closer and she draped a leg over his hips, pressing her hot core against his groin.

It shouldn't surprise him that Sansa mewling his name after he'd kissed her into oblivion was enough to finally push him over the edge.

She swallowed his objections that he didn't have a condom with a kiss and a comment that she was on the pill. "And I trust you, Jon," she murmured against his lips.

When he finally slid inside her, he shouldn't be as overwhelmed as he was that she felt like heaven and home all wrapped up into one.

After, when she was lying in his arms, back pressed flush against his chest, after they'd entrusted the truth and depth of their love to each other's lips and hearts and skin with and without words alike, he couldn't help but wonder:  _If this is wrong, then why does it feel so right?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess everybody's writing fluff today, and I'm doing this... Oh well! ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Little reminder that Jon's surname is Dayne in this story.
> 
> Oh, and there's a scene toward the end of the chapter which might be confusing if you're unsure about the relationship between Jon and Satin. What they had was completely casual and they were both clear on that. Satin does have a soft spot for Jon though, but it's more that he's annoyed with Jon on Sansa's behalf, because he's sort of jumping to conclusions.

Jon walked out of the class building, closing his eyes to breathe in the fresh air hitting him. He pulled out his phone to check for messages. The only new notifications he had were for his philosophy class group chat and some cutesy dog GIF Sansa had sent him earlier.

He shoved his phone back in his pocket and took another long gulp of air. He though he'd done well on today's exam and his next final was only in four days. There was probably some party he could go to tonight to get hammered and take his mind off everything.

If he had any luck, there'd be enough people, and he wouldn't even have to talk to anyone. He could just keep to himself, enjoying the free beer, until he wouldn't even care if anyone wanted to make smalltalk.

It was only a ten minute walk back to the dorm and Satin would be in the library the entire afternoon. He'd have plenty of time to shower and perhaps even take a nap after.

He opened the door to find his bed already occupied. Sansa was lying on her stomach, eyes fixed on a magazine, long bare legs sticking up in the air, crossed at the ankles. She looked up and flashed him a brilliant smile.

"How did you get in?" he blurted out.

"Well, hello, Jon. Nice to see you, too!" she answered, letting her chin rest on her hands.

He ignored her, dumping his bag on his chair and heading for the fridge to get a drink.

She sighed dramatically. "Your roommate let me in. I don't think he likes me."

 _No, he wouldnt._ Not after finally confronting Jon that he knew he was ignoring all of his advances because he kept moaning Sansa's name in his sleep. He'd thanked all the gods he'd never mentioned to Satin that Sansa was his sister.

He put the bottle of water down on his desk and turned around to face her, leaning back against the wall, leaving as much space as possible between them. "What are you doing here, Sansa?" he asked.

"You never reply to any of my texts," she pouted.

"I do," he objected, crossing his arms over his chest. "Ocassionally."

"One emoticon or one-word answer every two weeks doesn't really count, Jon," she sighed, flipping a page. "You've been ignoring me."

He couldn't deny it.

"Why?" she asked, holding his gaze.

He averted his eyes. "You know why."

"Huh," she huffed. "None of that seemed to bother you when you were home over spring break."

He pinched the bridge of his nose and covered his face with the back of his arm.

They'd shared a bed nearly every night that week and a couple of times they'd even fucked in the tree house during the day. He'd been so caught up in a haze of love and lust, leaving no space for rational thought.

It was later, when he was back at school and the shame and guilt had started hitting him with full force that he'd realized what he'd done.

"I know," he croaked, letting his arms drop to his side, still not able to look at her. "I'm sorry. We shouldn't have." He heard her move off the bed and when he opened his eyes, she was standing right in front of him.

"You said you loved me," she said, voice breaking, and her bottom lip quivered.

"I do!" he exclaimed, reaching for her, but she pulled away from him.

"Do you regret it?" she asked, tears brimming her eyes.

"Sansa, I-"

"You think it was a mistake?"

He opened his mouth, shaking his head. How could he not?

She put her hands on her hips, lifting her chin. "Well, you know what, Jon? Maybe you can pretend that it didn't happen, but unfortunately, I can't!" She turned around to pick her magazine and handbag up from where she'd left them on his bed.

Her hand was already on the door knob when he grabbed her wrist. "Sansa, wait!" he begged.

She paused, keeping her eyes on the door.

"What do you mean? 'Unfortunately, you can't'?"

Her shoulders rose and fell. "We'll talk when you're ready to have an adult conversation!"

The door slammed shut and he groaned, reaching up to rub his temples.

***

Coming to this party had been a mistake. Knowing Sansa, he should have guessed she'd take advantage of being here to get a taste of college life, and of course that meant she'd decided to come to the same party.

She was dancing in the middle of the room, wearing a tiny pair of white shorts and a frilly blue top that brought out the colour of her eyes. His eyes followed her swaying hips, making him long to cover them with his hands and pull her close, breathe in the scent of her hair and lick the sweat off her skin.

He wanted to pull her from this room and drag her back to his bed to put his mouth on every inch of her skin before he fucked her into the mattress.

He vaguely wondered if it'd be easier to control his sick thoughts if he'd had a wank in the shower earlier.  _Probably not._ He might have felt even more miserable, because it would have been her he'd imagined anyway.

The worst part was that he was absolutely certain that practically every other man in the room was looking at her with the same glint of lust in their eyes. At least she hadn't touched the beer or any of the other booze, as far as he could tell.

She walked to the far side of the room to talk to a pretty brunette standing next to Loras from his political science class. The girl handed her a bottle of water and gently rubbed her shoulder. Sansa smiled and took a long swig. The other girl pointed vaguely to a group of people and Sansa nodded. Loras and the girl left her alone.

Before Jon could decide to go over to her, a tall burly bloke approached her, offering her a cup, but Sansa shook her head. He put the cup on the table behind him and turned back to Sansa.

Jon quickly downed a cup of beer as he watched them chat, Sansa flashing the idiot a bright smile every few minutes. He braced his hand on the wall behind her and started leaning closer. Sansa threw her head back as she laughed at something he must have said.

Jon finished another cup of beer and stalked over to them. The idiot's mouth fell open as he forced his way between the two of them. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer until their noses were almost touching.

"What are you doing, Sansa?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

"What's it to you?" she answered, nostrils flaring as she pushed against his chest .

Jon felt a hand on his shoulder. Angrily, he shook it off.

"Hey, man, let go of her!"

"Stay out of this!" he growled, still holding Sansa's gaze.

She glared back at him and let her hands drop to her sides. She took an audible breath. "It's okay, Dickon. Could you leave us alone for a couple of minutes?"

This time he did turn back to look at  _Dickon,_ enjoying the look of disappointment on his face. He waited until he was out of earshot and huffed: " _Dickon?_ Seriously?"

She arched an eyebrow. "Will you please take your hands off me?"

He did so immediately, taking a deep breath. "So," he said.

"So," she answered, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

He clenched his fists, not sure what to say. "Um," he started, watching her eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. "Where are you sleeping tonight?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe Dickon has a spare space in his bed."

"What the fuck, Sansa?"

She rolled her eyes, leaning back against the wall as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Marge and I are staying with her brother Loras. Who is  _gay,_ " she added pointedly.

"I knew that. I know him," he mumbled.

"Seven hells, Jon!" she hissed. "You need to make up your mind! You can't act like this for months and then practically try to piss on me when you see me talking to another guy!"

"P-piss on you?" he spluttered.

Her nostrils flared again. "You know what I mean. Do you want to be with me, or not?"

"I do!" He threw his hands up in exasperation. "But it's not that simple!"

"It is!" she insisted. She took a deep breath and cocked her head. "Prove it!"

"What?"

"Prove that you're not ashamed of me!"

So he did what he'd wanted to do all night. He curled one hand around her hip to pull her closer and grabbed a handful of her hair as his lips crashed into hers.

He moaned as her fingers raked down his chest, her hands sliding  around his waist to claw at his back, and he shuddered under her touch. As he nibbled at her bottom lip, he pushed himself flush against her, crowding her up against the wall. 

She carded her fingers into his hair to pull his head back, breathing: "Careful, Jon." But that didn't make any sense to him. She wanted him to prove himself, now was not the time to be careful.

"Sansa," he groaned, before slanting his mouth over hers more gently than the first time. In their eagerness their teeth still clashed together before she managed to slide her tongue into his mouth.

His right hand covered her ear, fingertips rubbing circles into her scalp, his thumb stroking her cheekbone as he slipped his left under her top, revelling in the feeling of her soft warm skin.

She moaned into his mouth, kissing him back more hungrily, and he pulled back to peck at her lips before resting his forehead against hers, nuzzling her temple as he started a trail of kisses down her jaw, ending with his mouth hovering over the shell of her ear as he panted: "Come back to my room."

"Yes," she whimpered.

In the back of his mind, he remembered they still had so much to discuss, that there were a thousand reasons why they shouldn't be doing this, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't resist her.

Sansa still being sober proved useful in her remembering to alert her friend she was leaving with him. He heard Loras comment to his sister that he'd never seen Dayne with a girl before.

***

Jon buried his face in his pillow, smiling despite the mild pounding in his head. He pushed the damning voices back, locking them away in a far corner of his mind, not allowing them to disturb his state of bliss.

Slowly he realized Sansa was no longer in his arms, where she'd fallen asleep last night. He blinked, closing his eyes against the painfully bright light. And then the silence was disrupted by someone retching loudly. 

Two different voices, one high and one deeper drifted through the door of the bathroom. He rolled out of bed, pushing himself to his feet, and pulled on his boxers, not able to find his shirt from last night.

The bathroom door swung open and Satin appeared, eyes narrowing as he saw Jon. "I was so wrong about you," he spat out, shaking his head, and then shouldered his ways past Jon. He blinked and stared as he collected his stuff and left the room, slamming the door behind him.

Inside the bathroom, Sansa was slumped against the shower door, wearing his shirt. She waved a weak hand at him. "No, just leave, Jon. You don't have to see this."

He ignored her request and walked up to her, kneeling beside her, and started rubbing her arm. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

She pushed herself up with a hand, swatting his arms away and bending over the toilet to puke. The sound and smell weren't doing his own queasy stomach any good, but he tried to ignore the feeling as he moved closer to hold her hair.

Eventually, she moved back to her position against the shower door and said: "I think it's over."

He nodded weakly.

"Do you have a spare toothbrush?" she asked.

He showed her where it was and checked if she needed anything else.

She shook her head. "No, I"ll be out in a minute."

He was pacing up and down the room as she walked out of the bathroom. "Are you okay, Sansa? I thought- You didn't drink anything last night, did you?"

"No, I didn't," she answered as she sank down in his desk chair. She rubbed a hand over her face and sighed. "I'm pregnant, Jon."

He blinked and gulped, and then he blinked again. "What?"

"You heard me."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely positive," she answered, articulating slowly.

"And it's- you're certain that- I am-" he stammered.

She nodded. "Yes, you're the father. Harry used a condom, and it only happened once."

He pushed his hair back from his face. They'd done it at least a dozen times, and they'd never used a condom, not once. "You said you were on the pill!"

"I was," she shrugged. "But I forgot it once or twice."

He stared at her blank face, her calm posture. "Why aren't you freaking out about this?"

She huffed out a laugh. "I've had plenty of time to freak out!"

"Why are you only telling me now?" he demanded to know, suspicion slipping into his mind like poison.

She leapt to her feet, face contorted in rage. "I tried! But you never answered any of my calls or messages!"

He took a step back, feeling as if she'd hit him in the face. While he'd been busy wallowing in his guilt and shame, she'd had to deal with the real consequences of what they'd done.  _Unfortunately, I can't pretend it didn't happen._ It all made sense now.

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Sansa, I'm so sorry." He reached for her hand.

She moved forward. "Please, hold me, Jon," she whispered and then she was sobbing in his arms.

It was all his fault. He shouldn't have gone home. He should have been stronger. They were too young to have a child. He'd ruined her future, just like he'd always warned her. They were still half-siblings, what if people found out the truth? And what if their child- he couldn't even make himself think about it.

Sansa nuzzled her face into his neck, like she'd done so many times before, but this time it was different. He could feel her despair. "What are we going to do?" she whimpered.

The only thing he could do was hold her closer, rubbing her back and kissing her temple. "I don't know, sweetheart, I don't know," he murmured into her hair.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there will be more, but I can't really promise when that will be yet.


End file.
